When I qualified as a coach one of the things I was told is to be present, ask questions and allow silence.
3 secret weapons of coaches: presence, questions and silence.
I thought this was all I needed to bring to the conversation.
Years later, I had been collecting tools and strategies, tactics and tips that I could bring to my coaching conversations.
In one particular conversation I pushed too many of these too quick and it created more overwhelm in my client rather than the space I could’ve created for them.
The space between both of these extremes I think is the space we navigate as coaches.
Within this space though, away from silence and tools etc. is the other “stuff” we bring.
The stuff you don’t realise until you’ve danced in the space for a while, recognising the patterns.
One thing I noticed bringing to a conversation recently was EXPECTATIONS.
I wanted the conversation to be a certain way, to go a certain way and to end a certain way.
Where’s the space for my client to fit within that constraint?
There’s none or definitely less space!
So catching this in supervision is helpful.
I caught the next one in my journal reflecting afterwards.
It was caring so much about my client’s outcome.
This is one of the challenges managers have with coaching their team members – they have a lot of care about the outcome!
While I don’t think it is wrong to care, the impact and pressure it put on me to say the “right” thing, or the impactful phrase probably reduced the quality and depth of the conversation.
This was my “stuff” separate from listening and questions, tools and strategies that we bring as coaches.
Without judgment, just notice those things.
Notice when you bring more than you would like, and notice how you might lessen this.
You will bring stuff.
Be kind to yourself.
Show up for your client.
What do they need?
What in you will help?
What do you think?